October 30, 2007

Manhattan Doll
Volume I, Issue 2

Been there, Done That
I received an email last week from another (that would be #3) old high school boyfriend. I hadn’t seen him—or thought of him--since 1964. A couple of years ago, a bunch of Long Beach High School alumni went to see Billy Crystal (my best friend since kindergarten) in “700 Sundays.” Marty and I chatted briefly during intermission, and I haven’t thought of him since.

Marty was trawling Classmates.com, happened upon my profile, remembered I looked good, and decided to email me to ask me out for a drink or dinner.

I shared the story with my hairdresser (who had been through old boyfriends #1 and #2 with me ). His advice,” Tell him, ‘Been there, done that. Have the tee-shirt and the hat.’”

Parking Rules

When friends with cars come to visit me in Manhattan, they always ask, "What are the parking rules in your neighborhood?"

How do I know? I walk, ride buses, take the subway, or grab a cab. Parking rules do not impact my life, I don't care, and, therefore I do not keep track of them. That's why we have a gazillion garages in Manhattan!

Gardens in Transit

Have you noticed the psychedelic cabs driving around the city? Suddenly I felt like I was back in the 1960s, without the mini dress and the white Go-Go boots. I literally found the answer in the back seat of a cab.

The project is called Garden in Transit, which runs from September-December 2007. As part of this art, education and creative therapy project, 23,000 children in schools and hospitals--in addition to many adult volunteers--have painted 80,000 flowers on 750,000 square feet of adhesive panels for a four-month public art exhibition featured on taxis citywide. Click on http://www.portraitsofhope.org/git/about_git.php for more information.

Positive Psychology

I recently took a ½ day seminar with Shawn Achor, a professor from Harvard who focuses on Positive Psychology.

I emailed Shawn and asked him, “Why don't we do the things we know we "should" do to make ourselves happier, healthier, etc.??”

Here's Shawn's response: In answer to your question, the research I gave about how to raise our happiness baseline—daily gratitudes and journaling, habit grids, exercise, meditation, simplifying--are all things that we are physically capable of--so it is not a question of "can't" but rather "won't."

I have seen quadriplegics who are grateful, people dying with AIDS being grateful still, abused children who remain positive, etc. The reason this is possible is that gratitude is a subjective construal of reality, rather than based upon objective constraints. So I think the first step is self-awareness and insight about why we are preventing ourselves from doing these actions. One thing the Buddha reportedly said, which I like, is not to believe what he suggests just because he is the Buddha, but rather to try it out, experiment, and then decide what is true and what is false.

I think the best way to test these things is just to try them. They are physically easy and only take less than 5 minutes (except exercise). Picking 1 and sticking with it regardless of lack of benefits for 21 days, even if the activity was useless, is still quite useful, as it increases self-esteem by recognizing that we are capable of making sustained changes.

So I would suggest starting small so that the initial energy required is low. Maybe thinking of 1 new thing to be grateful for each day, or writing in a journal for 3-5 minutes or for 3-5 sentences, or watching your breath for 1 minute a day. Then scan your life for small, sometimes imperceptible changes, which might grow.

Finally, I think we stop because we are hoping to "find happiness" which may seem to daunting when we are not happy. But happiness is also part of the beta press, which means that you can never "find" happiness. Happiness is created. It is created by changing the lens through which you view reality. The baseline changes I suggested are ways to change the shape of that lens.

Good Advice

"A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval."--Mark Twain

"The art of life is finding a balance between planning for the future and standing still to see what life brings us today. By experiencing the moment, while keeping clear intentions of what we want for the future, we live life to its fullest."—Source Unknown

Quote

"I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers, or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individualists. I often warn kids, Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, ‘there is no i in team.' What you should tell them is, maybe not. But there is an i in independence, individuality, and integrity."--George Carlin